Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Marriage speaks

Go ahead, blame me. It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?

You were minding your own business, when I came after you. Clobbered you on the head with a huge club, caveman style, and forced you into Holy Matrimony with your equally blameless spouse.

Your boredom, your negligence of each other, your frustration – they may all be laid squarely at my doorstep. Or so you'd like to believe.

May I remind you of a time when you couldn’t have enough of each other? Influenced by one romantic comedy too many, you convinced yourselves that you wanted to spend the rest of your lives with each other, and you wanted the rest of your life to begin right away. And before I could get a word in, you were going about with a “Just Married” sign attached to the boot of your car and making honeymoon plans.

The trouble with you is that you mistook the excitement and beauty of the Wedding for me. Make no mistake, I require hard work. No one-day fun and frolic for me. I’m in it for the long haul. So better make sure you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone before bringing me in to seal the contract.

There are ways to retrieve the situation.

How about falling in love? No, not with another person. I don’t recommend variety. I’m a strict monogamist.

I meant, falling in love with your spouse. Over and over again.

It won’t be easy, but if you want a happy marriage, that’s what you’ll need to do. And be quick to forgive, slow to take offence. Display grace towards each other, and a mutual respect too.

Encourage each other’s strengths, and turn a merciful eye on each other’s minor faults. We all have need of mercy.

Fill up the empty spaces in each other. We are all broken, but we can be the glue to our spouse’s pain, the balm to their blisters.

I didn’t say it would always be hunky dory. That’s an assumption you made. You were so besotted with each other, you thought your spouse would always look as appealing as they did on the wedding day. The truth is that it is hard to maintain the sexiness particularly after a bout of the cold, or after the children are born, or after age adds tyres to your middle.

Let me burst your bubble further. 

Looks aren’t the only thing that are fleeting.
The opposites that once attracted you will begin to drive you crazy. 

When that happens, it’s good to remember that you’re still one team. You won’t get far if you work at cross purposes with each other.

Let the foundation of your relationship be a solid friendship, the kind that is blessed with soulful conversations and frivolous joking alike.

The kind that relies on the other with an unwavering trust.

It’s not a foolproof formula for success. How could it be? Neither of you is perfect. People like you, who are quick to look for the exit sign at the first instance of fire, or even smoke.

But if you bear in mind that when things get broken between you, you have to fix them, and you make a sincere effort to remember that love is a verb, and that it demands strong reserves of commitment from you, you’ll find that things get better by and by.

I personally recommend prayer. Nothing like a third strand to make a braid strong. Two strands can’t hold it together for long.

I know I’m demanding. But if you do what I ask, if you cherish what I bring to your relationship, and look with wonder upon my ordinariness, I promise you the best relationship you can have.

Staying happily married is no child's play. Do you have it in you to make a success of your marriage?


  1. Thank you for posting this. After almost 26 years of marriage...I have discovered that to fall in love your your spouse, over and over again, you have to have the true desire to "be in love" with your spouse.

    So few of our friends have that work ethic anymore. Kind of sad really.
    Rhondi (Visiting from A-Z)

  2. Marriage is hard work and people forget that. Thanks for this post, Cynthia.

  3. First I thought of writing on marriage but I knew I can't do justice to it and may get lost in thoughts.
    Good one Cynth. Marriage is definitely and institution where one never stops learning

  4. Interesting thoughts and very well written. But sometimes no matter how hard you try, it just doesn't work. Believe me walking away is so much harder than staying together.

  5. It's no child's play indeed! I'd like to believe that I'm cut out to make a happy marriage but then life's mysterious..who knows what will happen in the future no?

    M for Motherly-Random Thoughts Naba

  6. Lovely post,Cynthia! Still as Suzy put it ,sometimes walking away is the only option,however hard it may be.

  7. I personally recommend prayer. Nothing like a third strand to make a braid strong. Two strands can’t hold it together for long.

    Wow! What a thought Cynthia!

  8. Loved the phrase "love is a verb"! Brilliant post as usual. You couldn't have said it any better

  9. Love is a verb I only sometimes do well, and marriage is a thing I know I need to work on. But this post is BRILLIANT. Cynthia I really love the things you have to say :D

  10. I love your posts. There is so much to learn from you. Married for just over a year, and yes, I realize it is not all glowing and shining all the time. It requires hard work.



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