Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A Spinster speaks

I hear the whispers, the snide remarks. I see the disapproving looks. 

“There she is, not yet married.”

What an affront to civilization!

A woman who won’t accept her dutiful place as the devoted wife of her husband.

In your eyes, it seems, my entire life story hinges on the answer to that one single question: When am I going to get married?

I have a question of my own. How is my marital status your business?
Be honest with me: Do you want me to be married because marriage is the best state of life? Or do you want me to be married because it makes you uncomfortable to see me in charge of my own life? Making my own decisions without consulting others? Pursuing my own interests, travelling whenever and wherever I feel like?

You won’t admit it, but I can sense a bit of envy in your disapproval of me. You can’t be in my shoes, so you try to make me look as pathetic as possible.

Whether I give in to the loneliness that the word spinster forces upon me, or whether I allow myself to fly with the freedom offered by the word, singleton, I am someone that does not fit into your understanding of the word, family.

To you, I am somewhere on the fringes. You see me as belonging to a family, but with only a feeble hold over them.

You’d feel better if I were more like you. Tell me honestly, is it always greener on the other side? Aren’t there times when you’re staring at your husband lost in the latest game on TV, or listening miserably to his snoring in bed, while you wondered if this is what you signed up for?

Don’t brand me cranky and vicious just because I haven’t been married. Crankiness has nothing to do with the absence of a wedding ring. There are cranky marrieds as well as cranky singles.

I’m not to blame for the erosion of values or the breakdown in society.

You accuse me of setting my standards too high. Of asking for too much. What’s wrong with setting my sights too high, I would like to know? Why do I have to settle like you did? 

The truth is that I won’t settle down. 

And that makes you feel unsettled.


  1. Like a tight slap on the face :) that too Gently like they say Jor ka jhatka dheere se laga
    U r brilliant
    U r awesome
    with this post I became a "BIG" fan of urs coz U spoke what my heart used to speak years back and even now

  2. Love, love, love this. How many times was I told not to go to college, but just to find a man and get married? And eventually I did. But still wanting to have control of my life, the marriage eventually ended and I became a single mom. And then it starts again with 'When are you going to get married'? Why is my marital state so important to others?

  3. Society DOES seem overly concerned with the lives of OTHERS - instead of working on their own . . .

    Thank You for this.
    Such great writing!

  4. The last line nails the settled ones !

  5. A topic I feel very strongly about Cynthia. Thank you so much for this. This happens not only with the ones who have not yet married, but with ANY single woman (divorcee, widow, unmarried, separated).

  6. I especially love the closing lines. Superb!

  7. Not all singles are happy or not all married are unhappy. It lies in both of them. Yes, we married women don't stand in the shoes of the spinsters when passing comments or judging them...Loved the last lines as everyone

  8. Since I am a 'spinster again', this post tickled me pink. Thank you so much for writing this Cynthia! :D

  9. This is a slap on the society. But again what has ever been right for the society...it has only opinions and passes judgments.

  10. Oh I'd love to slap the society at-least metaphorically when they pass judgements on women..

    T for Tired-Random Thoughts Naba

  11. I am single and loving my freedom. Love this post.

  12. i really thought ur unmarried!superb post



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