A Moral for the Immoral

He bent down to pick up the two pieces of ivory that lay on the red carpet. And the vision of what might have been flashed through his mind.

* * *

The moment was electric. Mina stood by, her mouth slightly open as if she were under a spell, which indeed she was.

The man glided across the floor. His raw presence, the sheer magnetism and charisma of his person, struck her and she had to hold on to the back of the settee for support.

Count Dracula, suave, sophisticated, towered over her, supremely confident of his conquest, yet throbbing with anticipation. He bent down towards the inviting whiteness of her neck.

The moment had arrived. He flashed a smile. The fangs in his mouth that had struck terror in the hearts of thousands bared themselves and the Count of Transylvania bent down to claim yet another bride.

Teeth touched bare flesh and Count Dracula braced himself for the whoosh, the soundtrack that always played whenever he tasted blood. But no whoosh came. Instead, he heard a phthooey. Confused, Dracula broke away to discover the cause of the changed soundtrack. Mina too looked up in confusion, and a cry escaped her lips. There before her stood Dracula, the same, yet different.

The two fangs that protruded out of the corners of his mouth had been chipped, leaving the fearsome vampire looking more than a little comical. The spell broken, Mina dashed out of the room, nearly colliding into Abraham Van Helsing on her way out.

* * *

Dracula tried to turn his face away, but Abraham had already seen enough. Even with his face turned away, he knew Abraham was smirking.

“It’s not too late, you know, to amend your ways. What kind of a vampire would you be without your fangs? They are your calling cards, your tools. Without them, you are nothing. Let me have a look at you.”

Dracula glided out of reach and turned his face to the wall. Abraham smiled, “It’s okay. Chipped teeth are warning signs. Take them seriously and we can arrest further damage.”

“What do you mean?”

“First of all, you must give up drinking blood. Not good for the teeth, you know. Blood was not meant to be a beverage. Try drinking milk instead. The calcium will strengthen your teeth.”

“I don’t drink milk,” Dracula mumbled angrily.

“Lactose intolerant, eh? No problem. Try soymilk then. And when was the last time you brushed your teeth? Or flossed? I bet half the people who swoon in your arms do so because of your bad breath.”

“Vampires don’t brush their teeth,” Dracula hissed. “We’re the undead.”

“So are bacteria and germs. They’re feasting on your mouth and have probably been doing so for… How old are you? The bacteria have probably established whole cities on your tongue.”

“I don’t care about bacteria.”

“And they are quick to return the favour. Look at the state of your gums. Swollen and bleeding too. Next thing you know, there’ll be pus, and an abscess. Left untreated, the bacteria can cause severe complications. It could even be fatal.”

“What do I care about that? I’m the undead.”

“I know, I know. But you do care about your appearance, don’t you? The Dracula charm will soon cease to exist. You’ll have gingivitis, a mild form of gum disease, if you’re lucky. In worst cases, you might contract periodontis. Who knows? You might even need surgical intervention.”

Dracula turned to the mirror to see if Abraham was speaking the truth. The mirror, unfortunately for him, wasn’t capable of reflecting the undead. Dracula had to rely on Abraham’s word. “What do I do now?” he asked.

“If you agree to be treated, I could help you. I’m a qualified dentist. I haven’t had much time to peer down mouths, with my bustling vampire slaying career. But I’ve still got the touch. You won’t feel a thing. It’s your only way out if you want to salvage your self-esteem.”

Dracula allowed himself to be guided towards a chair. Abraham continued. “There’s a moral in this for you.”

“I hate morals,” Dracula said.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot you are immoral. Call it learning then. Why don’t you check out My Healthy Speak Blog for more information? Brushing and flossing properly are important. The right treatment can reverse your problems. I could even give you partial dentures to substitute for your fangs.”

Dracula brightened up at that. “You’d do that for me?”

“Oh sure,” said Abraham. “I pride myself on being a good dentist.”

Mentally, he thought, ‘I also pride myself on being a good vampire slayer. And I think I can find a way to be true to both my callings.’



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